I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
