u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
