I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
