have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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