can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
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