a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize