i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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