Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize