my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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