butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
