Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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