mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
