how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize