Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
