Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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