I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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