Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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