I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
