He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
