Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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