Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
