This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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