I will die if light touches me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
