i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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