So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
