I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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