Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
