You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
