You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
