well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
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