How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
