Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
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