What did we do last night that was yellow?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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