Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
