nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
