i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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