I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
