She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
