I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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