No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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