do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
