She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
