Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
