you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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