I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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