Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
