I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just forgot I was standing up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
