I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
