i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
