Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
