Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
