2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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