he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
