Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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