cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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