I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
