he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
