Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
