We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
