we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
