Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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