Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize