BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to be your penis for a week.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
