Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
